Getting in the Groove

It’s been 2 weeks since I returned to the workforce and 3 weeks since my port was removed.  While life is taking on a more rapid pace again, I’m trying to slow the pace and stay on course with balancing my physical, emotional and spiritual well being.  Allocation of time and priorities have changed, leading to less time on social media, blogging and reading.  Coffee consumption has increased, along with my blood pressure (at least there are good medications to control this).  Yet, I find my career more fulfilling and rewarding as ever.  Perspective has improved, making the “little things” less stressful while maintaining focused on the present and the gifts, rewards and beauty surrounding us in nature, the people we encounter, and the challenges that we accept and fulfill.

Unemployed people returning to the workforce likely recognize the value of routine better than anyone.  As I find myself arising at 6 am and attempting my previous routine of running before work (which has only happened a few times), I notice that my muscles are stiffer when I awaken, my goopy eyes take longer to focus and in general, I am more sluggish.  Once I get outside, I’m sure the neighbors assume the zombie invasion has started, as I take those first few stiff steps as my muscles are still tight, sore and fatigued.  Along the course, I hope to gain some flexibility and lose some of my rigidity, and if that occurs, I will stretch my run into a 5 mile jaunt, and if it doesn’t, I stick with a 2 or 3 mile run/walk.  Either way, it’s rejuvenating to be outside, especially if it’s sunny.  I enjoy every breath of fresh air travelling through my lungs, the wild rabbits scurrying to hide, the birds chirping as if calling to their lover and the friendly smiles of neighbors passing by.  When you live in the present, instead of always looking at the future, everything seems more alive, enriching and fulfilling.  

Starting with a new, young, but experienced, medical assistant (MA), I try to arrive in the office 30 minutes before the first patient arrives, which means 8:30 am.  I admit, “I try!”  More often than not, it is 8:45-8:50, but so far, I have always arrived before my first patient.  My first 6 days of work, I saw patients for 4 hours/day.  Shockingly (to me, at least), by 2 p.m., I found myself exhausted and nodding off while eating lunch.   I’d struggle to complete the days’ charts, correspondence and paperwork before heading home, but usually found myself leaving for a nap and attempting to finish my work in the evening instead.  As my schedule started filling up, I found myself yearning to see more of my clients as I noticed them popping up on other provider’s schedules.  So, I added another hour to my afternoon schedule and extended to about four in the afternoon.  The first couple of days of this, I struggled, as my sleep pattern (or lack thereof), at night, was still terrible.  With multiple awakenings and the persistent joint achiness, I found my energy level still low.  Yet, adding the hours, didn’t seem to make it worse.  In fact, I think the elimination of the afternoon nap has actually improved my energy level in the long run.

As I am re-learning the EMR and developing operational efficiencies with my new MA, my end of day workload is gradually diminishing.  Not only does it take time to establish a fluent workflow, but developing a team strategy evolves methodically, as you learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  One of mine, of course, is the desire to catch up on the lives of all my patients!  

If you had asked me a week ago, “how’s it going?”  I might have responded, “a little slower than I expected.”  However, I’m finally noticing many of my residual chemotherapy symptoms, starting to fade.  Two weeks ago, I felt like my body was perpetually battling the flu with constant hot flashes, sweats, achiness and a generally ill feeling.  I tried multiple medications to help diminish these symptoms and generate restful sleep.  None of these “remedies” quite helped as much as the passage of time, which is why I suspect they were persistent manifestations of chemotherapy. The nerve pain, shooting down my arm, resolved within days of removing my port.  However, the recovery of my strength, range of motion and pain from disuse, will take time, with the help of home exercises and physical therapy.  Once again, requiring my most elusive trait, patience.  

Although I could write more about how elated I am to return to my vocation, I will leave you with these words from Maya Angelou:  “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”  While I’ve got 1 and 2 down pat, #3 is a work in progress.  I’ve had 6 months to evaluate the way I do things and I suspect I will continue learning this for the remainder of my life.  Yet, in returning to work, I’ve learned that in order to “like the way I do things”, I must: (1) avoid staying up late and losing sleep, (2) balance my family life better (drawing boundaries and remaining in the present, rather than always thinking of my “to do” list), (3) maintain perspective (seeing the good, even in bad situations or frustrations) and (4) spend time reflecting on what’s working and what’s not and eliminate the aspects of my life that are not adding value or interfere with my accomplishment of 1, 2 and 3.  Life is too short to let frustration, anger or discontent run me down further.  I choose to live with a heart full of beauty, love and happiness and it starts with me and my perspective.  

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters, compared to what lies within us. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Perspective is everything. Looking at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds or a thousand wishes. One small positive thought in the morning, can change your whole day.