Nearly every day, someone still asks, “How are you doing? Are you in remission?” The first question is easy. Unless I am ill with a fever, cough, etc. I feel great. I am so grateful for the blessings and life that I have lived and the people in my life that every morning I arise (whether it be at 2:30 or 8 am), I am so happy for the extra time that I have to live life and serve God. Yet, it is the second question that baffles me a bit.
I understand that most people just want to know if I’m currently receiving chemotherapy or lymphoma treatment, for which the answer is, “No.” However, from a medical standpoint, we don’t claim “remission” until someone has gone 5 years without evidence of cancer recurrence. While this sounds definitive, we can never truly know if a stray cancer cell or 2 is active and will choose to manifest itself again, so I prefer the term, “No Evidence of Disease” rather than remission. Honestly, not a day goes by that I don’t think about the possibility of recurrence. This is normal for anyone who has experienced cancer. Likely it is our intuitive drive to stay alive and detect the cancer cells earlier the second time around or maybe it’s a way to feel a little more prepared for what lies around that bend. Either way, it isn’t necessarily an unhealthy state as long as we don’t allow it to distract us from the road we are travelling or miss the beauty surrounding us. Every smiling baby, red-bowed wreath on a doorway, or the intricate design of a bee observed buzzing around a well-lit lamp, will brighten my day.
People inquire if my cancer journey has “made me a better physician,” with more perspective. Well, I think that all experiences enhance our perspective. Certainly, I feel more comfortable talking to others about cancer, treatment options and expectations, since I’ve obtained first-hand knowledge. As for empathy, I definitely feel more connected with people I encounter in all aspects of my life, not just my medical practice. Each one of us is an individual on a different journey, our lives intertwined for reasons which aren’t always obvious. If someone is upset or having a bad day, giving that person the benefit of the doubt comes more easily. They may be struggling with something stress-provoking in their life (whether it be health, financial or relationship issues). In this situation, my job is to ease that stress by remaining positive, complementary or just letting them vent. Being a more forgiving person has brought more joy to my life than I ever anticipated. So, if someone cuts me off on the freeway or grabs the last can of tuna on the shelf, I let it go. I figure that they must need something more than I do, since God has provided so much for me.
What else have I learned in the past 2 years? As my husband and I are empty-nesters, we are perfectly content to just stay home and enjoy each other’s company. We all live such busy lives, particularly when our kids are involved in a multitude of activities, that we often forget the joy of solitude. Don’t get me wrong, we love our family, friends and the festivities we share along the way. But, the drive to travel all over like I desired prior to lymphoma is not nearly as strong. Since I’ve been blessed to see so much of the world already, there are few places remaining to explore that are worth the “pains” of travel. Flying has never been pleasurable for me, but has become more difficult as the check-in process takes longer, my legs swell more and I tend to get jet-lagged much easier. So, long trips to other continents have lost their appeal. Does this mean that I’m officially “old”? Well, I did turn 50 this year. As my husband will attest, I feel better when I am moving, which makes sitting on an airplane for hours quite a challenge. With technology and an infinite amount of video access, I no longer feel the need to actually visit a place to learn and see it well. In fact, I’m noticing diminishing recall after visiting numerous different museums, buildings and landmarks. It’s as if I’m operating a computer with 90% of its hard drive full, I can’t retain as much, nor compute as quickly. I am so thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people from across the world and truly feel connected to a more universal society than just the city or neighborhood in which I reside.
Slowing down no longer feels like defeat. Although I’m still frustrated with my slower running pace and inability to compete at my previous level, it has saved me some money. Now, I only enter races that I enjoy or benefit the community rather than ones that will challenge me or in which I may win my age group. I’m more (not entirely) content with just being able to take a deep breath and run/walk than worrying about achieving my pace. A part of me still longs to run another Boston Marathon, but I’m not yet ready for the dedication, preparation and commitment necessary to qualify again.
All in all, I appreciate every day. No matter the challenges or frustrations, I keep learning from my mistakes, appreciate the gifts God has provided and give my best. I don’t usher out 2017, but I definitely greet 2018 with open arms and welcome the opportunities that lay ahead. God Bless!
I understand that most people just want to know if I’m currently receiving chemotherapy or lymphoma treatment, for which the answer is, “No.” However, from a medical standpoint, we don’t claim “remission” until someone has gone 5 years without evidence of cancer recurrence. While this sounds definitive, we can never truly know if a stray cancer cell or 2 is active and will choose to manifest itself again, so I prefer the term, “No Evidence of Disease” rather than remission. Honestly, not a day goes by that I don’t think about the possibility of recurrence. This is normal for anyone who has experienced cancer. Likely it is our intuitive drive to stay alive and detect the cancer cells earlier the second time around or maybe it’s a way to feel a little more prepared for what lies around that bend. Either way, it isn’t necessarily an unhealthy state as long as we don’t allow it to distract us from the road we are travelling or miss the beauty surrounding us. Every smiling baby, red-bowed wreath on a doorway, or the intricate design of a bee observed buzzing around a well-lit lamp, will brighten my day.
People inquire if my cancer journey has “made me a better physician,” with more perspective. Well, I think that all experiences enhance our perspective. Certainly, I feel more comfortable talking to others about cancer, treatment options and expectations, since I’ve obtained first-hand knowledge. As for empathy, I definitely feel more connected with people I encounter in all aspects of my life, not just my medical practice. Each one of us is an individual on a different journey, our lives intertwined for reasons which aren’t always obvious. If someone is upset or having a bad day, giving that person the benefit of the doubt comes more easily. They may be struggling with something stress-provoking in their life (whether it be health, financial or relationship issues). In this situation, my job is to ease that stress by remaining positive, complementary or just letting them vent. Being a more forgiving person has brought more joy to my life than I ever anticipated. So, if someone cuts me off on the freeway or grabs the last can of tuna on the shelf, I let it go. I figure that they must need something more than I do, since God has provided so much for me.
What else have I learned in the past 2 years? As my husband and I are empty-nesters, we are perfectly content to just stay home and enjoy each other’s company. We all live such busy lives, particularly when our kids are involved in a multitude of activities, that we often forget the joy of solitude. Don’t get me wrong, we love our family, friends and the festivities we share along the way. But, the drive to travel all over like I desired prior to lymphoma is not nearly as strong. Since I’ve been blessed to see so much of the world already, there are few places remaining to explore that are worth the “pains” of travel. Flying has never been pleasurable for me, but has become more difficult as the check-in process takes longer, my legs swell more and I tend to get jet-lagged much easier. So, long trips to other continents have lost their appeal. Does this mean that I’m officially “old”? Well, I did turn 50 this year. As my husband will attest, I feel better when I am moving, which makes sitting on an airplane for hours quite a challenge. With technology and an infinite amount of video access, I no longer feel the need to actually visit a place to learn and see it well. In fact, I’m noticing diminishing recall after visiting numerous different museums, buildings and landmarks. It’s as if I’m operating a computer with 90% of its hard drive full, I can’t retain as much, nor compute as quickly. I am so thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people from across the world and truly feel connected to a more universal society than just the city or neighborhood in which I reside.
Slowing down no longer feels like defeat. Although I’m still frustrated with my slower running pace and inability to compete at my previous level, it has saved me some money. Now, I only enter races that I enjoy or benefit the community rather than ones that will challenge me or in which I may win my age group. I’m more (not entirely) content with just being able to take a deep breath and run/walk than worrying about achieving my pace. A part of me still longs to run another Boston Marathon, but I’m not yet ready for the dedication, preparation and commitment necessary to qualify again.
All in all, I appreciate every day. No matter the challenges or frustrations, I keep learning from my mistakes, appreciate the gifts God has provided and give my best. I don’t usher out 2017, but I definitely greet 2018 with open arms and welcome the opportunities that lay ahead. God Bless!
"Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom." ~Jim Rohn
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| Ice flows along the Chiwawa River |
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| Feeling good, enjoying life...snow may slow me, but can't stop my journey. |
Dr. Platz,
ReplyDeleteI am a first year medical student at VCU in Richmond Virgina and came across your blog while studying for a heme/onc exam and researching Doxorubicin. I ended up reading quite a bit of your blog and just wanted to leave a comment about how it inspired me. Thank you for sharing your journey and your faith. I'm glad I stumbled upon it and I'll remember it when I take a step back to put my studying in perspective.
All the best to you and your family,
Payton M.
Payton- Thanks for your lovely comments. Your perceptiveness and passion to learn more will make you a fabulous physician in whatever your pursuit. Best of luck to you on your career and journey. Keep me updated on what medical field you choose!
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