A Hairless Proposition

Before my first infusion, when the oncologist was reviewing the various side effects of my chemotherapy regimen, she reported, “you will most likely lose your hair,” to which I expressed no surprise, as I anticipated this outcome.  “It will likely grow back gray as well, and the cooling treatments,” as if she were reading my mind, “we don’t recommend them as they can actually increase the risk of recurrence of cancer on the scalp.”  I include this piece of information as so many people have posted on Facebook about how great these cooling caps decrease hair loss during cancer therapy.  Reviewing the American Cancer Society (ACS) website, they concur in the avoidance of scalp cooling treatments due to the increased potential risks.    

After hearing this news, I inquired about how soon this hair loss might occur and her response was, “in 3 weeks.”  Well, 3 weeks has come and gone and there are no signs of hair on my brush, in my sink or in the shower drain.  I feel cheated.  Okay, maybe that’s too strong of a statement.  But, when you’ve been pondering about the benefits of hair loss for more than 3 weeks, you actually lament the lost opportunity.  It’s similar to the pregnant patient who isn’t “showing”--nobody knows that you’re pregnant if they don’t see that familiar bump.  Hair loss (alopecia) is somewhat of an initiation into the cancer club.  This being said, I am often the only patient in the cancer care lobby with a full head of hair. 

Besides saving money on shampoo, conditioners, hair spray and haircuts, alopecia can save an enormous amount of time.  Even though I have fairly short hair, it still takes me 10-15 minutes every morning to “do my hair”.  In one week, that adds up to 1.5 hours, over 6 hours per month and over a 6 month period, nearly 40 hours.  In addition, I was looking forward to seeing the appearance of my beautiful, bald scalp.  How often do we get to re-live our baby days and see or touch every contour of our scalp, yet alone start anew with a brand new hair style?  There are wig possibilities and lots of elegant hats.  Two of my friends and coworkers knitted some stylish caps that I’ve been adorning and yearning to wear, but it either needs to snow, plunge in temperature or I need to lose my hair.  None of which have occurred since starting chemo. 

While some of what I said was pure sarcasm, most my friends who’ve known me for some time would admit that I don’t put a lot of time into outward appearances, so alopecia would not be a huge ordeal for me, while it may be quite distressing for others.  I use makeup for only the most special occasions.  I’ve never been a great judge of fashion (thank God I have a daughter who is more attuned to style) and I’ve never known what to do with my hair because, quite frankly, I’ve never really been a great judge of outward appearances.  Heck, my kids have been commenting about my, “eye-eye brow” or uni-brow for years.  I just accepted it as the way God made me.

Maybe it was my upbringing or possibly I just felt there were more important concerns in the world, that I never paid much attention to trends, fashion or style.  When walking down the street or seeing someone across the room, my first focal point drifted to a person’s eyes or expressions to gauge their thoughts or feelings.  My dad used to say, “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” and I’ve learned this to be true on many occasions.  Rather than looking at someone’s bald scalp or painted on eyebrows (which is quite trendy right now), I would see the joy in their smile or fear in their eyes.  What’s inside a person proved much more significant.  A person’s character, charm, wit and intellect remain more glamorous and endearing than outside appearance and don’t wash away with the rain or wind.  That being said, I will embrace whatever happens.  According to the ACS, alopecia usually occurs between 2-4 weeks after the first infusion and for me, the four-week mark will be this Friday.

Good looks fade but a good heart keeps you beautiful forever. 

I was hoping to avoid this for the next 6 months. 

One of the hats knitted by a friend.