A Joyous, Sleepless Night

Once again, I find myself awake at one in the morning, wondering where is all this internal energy coming from?  I haven’t had any medications in the past week, so I can’t blame the steroids.  Chris has not taught me any new miracle tricks to napping during the day.  In fact, I haven’t slept during the day for several days, possibly even a week.  So, I must deduce that it’s either a late effect of a medication I received during infusion or an unexplainable phenomena (in medicine, we refer to this as idiopathic).  Nonetheless, it hopefully will lead to an enlightening or entertaining blog post. 

Naturally, I turn to my computer to help me fall asleep.  Hmmm, not sure I would ever recommend this treatment as a physician.  You see, writing can be very relaxing.  Well, maybe not as relaxing as running.  Ok, you’re not buying that one either, how about reading?  You get the picture.  Everything I enjoy doing can be relaxing, but unfortunately is associated with a certain level of mental stimulation as well.  If I read a book and find it perplexing or I’m wondering what is going to happen next, I don’t want to set it down.  This is no different with writing or running.  As I progress further into my writing, I feel the need to explain myself or paint a mental picture that may strike an interest or image in one’s mind that gets you thinking (and hopefully transfers some of this energy to you). 

So, what does one contemplate when lying in bed, trying to will themselves to sleep--any and every thing.  First off, I started remembering that I need to look in my ski coat pocket for my black head band that disappeared about a month ago and I’ve been wanting to wear while running.  Then, I move to wondering if the tingling at my fingertips is due to compression of a nerve in my neck or shoulder, which have been bothering me, or a side effect of the doxorubicin (and the reason I am taking the glutamine and vitamin B6).  Thoughts of Chris and I’s first date 23 years ago on super bowl Sunday arise shortly after.  Little did I know then that the simple invitation to breakfast after mass would lead to 22 years of marriage and 3 marvelous kids.  Lastly, I dwell on the events of the day and the special moments spent with whomever I encountered that day. 

Yesterday, I was fortunate to see many of my family members as we celebrated my brother-in-law’s 60^th birthday.  It was exciting to see everyone in a festive mood and catch up with some of my sister’s friends whom I haven’t seen in years.  Jokes were shared and many people had questions about my cancer journey, treatment side effects and even the occasional recommendation for what may help me most.  Once again, I say, laughter is the best medicine.   

With my family, there is no shortage of humor, especially when celebrating one of the decade birthdays.  More importantly, there is no shortage of love.  Bringing 5 out of 7 siblings together (only two live out of state) with their children and grandchildren is no small feat, but we all love each other truly and deeply, to the extent that we will make every effort to attend an event where we can celebrate together.  It’s akin to having our own mass or church service.  We gather together in celebration of life.  We pray together, break bread together (in this case, it was garlic bread) and share in the feast (there’s never a shortage of food either).  We even sing together (in this case it was the “Happy Birthday” song) but have been known to break into song when the Sound of Music is on TV.  Family, both our immediate and extended (which often includes friends as well), is a priority in our lives and we’ve been blessed to have parents who instilled this value in each of us.  I suspect it was this overwhelming outpouring of love and concern that led to this sleepless night, which is why I call it a joyous, sleepless night.  For many, tomorrow will be celebrated with friends watching the super bowl.  For me, however, I will be home (avoiding the potluck and potential germs) with just Chris and Peter (my family) and this should provide ample time to sleep if I feel the need. 

Family:  Where life begins and love never ends.  We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.   

This photo was taken at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary (nearly 11 years ago).  My nephew, Ben, was not present and
Cindy's husband, Prince, and 3 kids were also not in the picture at this time (literally and figuratively).