Oh, the Places I’ll Sleep…A Spouse Perspective

They say the longer you are with one person, the more you start to think alike.  Many of you may only know Chris, my husband, as the one who is sleeping wherever we go.  Well, you can’t judge a book by its cover.  Behind that façade, is a loyal, thoughtful, analytical, yet humorous gentleman.  He may not always give the best first impression, but once he gets to know you and feels comfortable around you, you will see the warmhearted man inside.  Despite his impeccable ability to sleep anywhere, his attention to details and unfailing love are probably two of his more enduring qualities.  That being said, I will now present Chris’s perspective of my journey (or my perspective of his perspective). 

As with anything new, you ponder about how this is going to change your life.  The shock of hearing your spouse has cancer is never an easy bone to chew.  My first thoughts were about the financial ramifications, particularly with 2 kids in college and one soon to be.  However, Chris has always grounded me on this aspect and said, “Just think of it as taking our retirement a little early for the next 6 months.”  Sometimes he knows just the right thing to say. 

Of course, thinking about retirement brings images of couples that I know who found they had difficulty being at home with each other 24/7.  I’m not sure if Chris was ever concerned about the impact my leave would have on his lifestyle or our relationship, but I certainly was a little worried, after stories that I’ve heard.  Yet, if anything, I feel our relationship has strengthened during this ordeal.  While we both enjoy our own pursuits, we’ve had more opportunities to communicate.  Although he may be folding clothes upstairs and I’m watching some stupid talk show on TV while going through email, I’ll call him downstairs to look at the “coincidentally”, goofy coordinating outfits between the host and their guest.  The next thing we know, we find ourselves jocularly comparing the outfits like one of those Highlights magazine puzzles, “Find the differences between these two pictures.” 

Spending more time together has actually made it easier to look beyond our faults and shortcomings as it generates greater perspective.  Rather than catching that glimpse of what each other’s day is like and wondering why something didn’t get accomplished or what consumed our day, we actually see each other’s approaches and respect them more.  For instance, Chris or I may be reviewing Facebook posts while awaiting our food to be warmed in the microwave or attempting to open a web page to pay an online bill, but soon we share something funny and go off on a tangent.  Though these tangents may take us away from the task at hand, we are truly enjoying each other, while sharing a chuckle or two. 

Although the prospect of death and suffering are uncomfortable for most, Chris and I, much like comedians, enjoy making light of uncomfortable subjects.  Humor brings smiles, laughter and often perspective, which are all welcoming in my eyes.  While waiting for the ultrasound tech in a darkened room, I lay on a gurney, in my gown and a thin sheet (to keep me warm).  I jokingly cover my head with the sheet, laying still, with one arm dangling off the bed.  We both laugh, pondering what people might think if he posted (on Facebook), this picture of me as if I was in a morgue with the caption, “Is this a bad sign?”  So, he takes a picture of the event, but only to mark the memory for us, as we don’t want to alarm anyone or make others uncomfortable.  I almost die of laughter, with tears pouring from my eyes, at how well we understand each other.

I’m certain that Chris has other insights and stories that he’d tell if this blog was truly from his perspective, but I’ll reserve those for another day.  Today, I am hoping that you all can see an uncomfortable or difficult situation from a different perspective and try to make the most of it.  See the humor in life and be thankful for those that support you.

Humor is the great thing.  The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away.  ~ Mark Twain

We are all a little weird and, life is a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE.  ~ Dr. Seuss

Enjoying his son's track meet.

Even the Seattle Aquarium...visitors walking by replied, "Oh, how cute!"