Strength

Strength can be measured in many different ways.  Some may believe the strongest person is the one who can lift the most weight (Paul Anderson, 6,270 pounds), run the fastest (Usain Bolt, 30mph) or hit the longest homerun (Jose Canseco, 540 feet).  Even after a run, my husband feels that I am the strongest (smelling, that is).  For me, strength cannot be measured in pounds, speed or distance.   Strength not only comes from within but is reinforced through the tenacity of others. 

Before displaying any symptoms of lymphoma, I would regularly perform frontal and side plank exercises, holding the plank on my front for 2 minutes and more than a minute on each side.  When the cough, fever and fatigue started, I felt weaker but could still maintain the plank position for more than a minute.  At the beginning of chemotherapy treatments, I was able to maintain the 1 minute planks and sometimes go even longer, especially after the cough and fevers subsided.  Now, however, the cumulative effects of chemo on my energy and muscle strength has weakened me significantly.  During the week following infusion, it only takes 10 seconds in the plank position before crumpling to the ground.  Opening jars or bottle tops, cracking ice cubes from the tray, and holding a pan or pitcher of water (even with both hands) has become increasingly difficult, requiring aid from my husband or son.  My running race pace is a full minute/mile slower than last year and stopping to rest or walk is a frequent occurrence on my morning “runs”.  But, in so many ways, I feel stronger than ever. 

For many years, my running was my barometer for personal strength.  My GPS watch carefully logged my weekly mileage and mile pace, so that I could reassure myself that I was maintaining my strength and “youth”.  Through age 45, I happily maintained the same mileage pace for a marathon as I did when I ran my first marathon at age 30 (8 minutes/mile or about a 3.5 hour marathon).  Running was my method of regaining stamina and losing weight after pregnancies.  It has always been reliable and a source of energy, strength and relaxation.   While I struggle more to lift my knees so that my foot clears the sidewalk or drive that one step further, I still find comfort in the ability to be able to pray, think and admire the abundant beauty surrounding us, while “running”.  Yet, the greatest strength still cannot be measured in miles.

Travelling this journey, I’ve realized that it isn’t my strength propelling me forward with a positive outlook and joyfulness.  Truly, I cannot lay claim to the strength that God has provided.   It has been through the tremendous community, friends and family that encompass me, like a net tightly woven together, to lift me and hold me when I feel weakest.  Although the journey is long and tiresome, there are many who have remained by my side throughout, lifting me up with their encouraging words, prayers, thoughts and gifts.  To my dismay, I suspect that I would have abandoned ship long before this, and so these people are much stronger and more faithful than I.   Rather than dwell on my shortcomings, however, I’d like to think that it’s a lesson learned to hopefully improve upon, for the future.   My realization of my need to be further engaged and encouraging to friends, family and community is one of the greatest lessons learned through this expedition. 

I find myself admiring the everyday heroes more and more.  The beauty of social media and the internet is that you don’t have to rely on news networks to provide information, since much of what the news chooses to report is negative.  If you look around, you will hear of people “paying it forward” or making the most of a terrible situation.  On my community web page, I have heard several stories about families having a dinner paid for by an anonymous person and many times it was for a family barely making ends meet, but trying to provide something special for their child’s birthday.   There is the community fundraiser to support a family whose child was blinded by a brain tumor and many more beautiful examples of love and strength.  These are the bonds that strengthen.  Together, we can provide a foundation that no terrorist can break.  If we can avow to perform one encouraging, uplifting or simple act of love daily, we will strengthen not only ourselves, but the community and world in which we live. 

You have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars and change the world.  ~ Harriet Tubman