A New Normal

Today was a good day.  I don’t know if it was the sunshine or the first outdoor run that I’ve taken in over a month, but I possessed energy (close to my previous level) and was able to get a few things done around the house as well as walk with friends.  Being productive is an important part of feeling some sense of normalcy.  The reality of cancer is that your view of a normal day or normal life, changes drastically.  Not only is your daily schedule modified by appointments, but there is nothing routine, as each day presents itself differently.  There are new physical challenges and one must learn to obtain happiness through small milestones, observations or achievements (such as getting the laundry done, a swept patio, the croaking of a frog, squeaking of a hummingbird, or having a day without dizziness or nausea).  In addition, I’ve learned to be thankful for the small things, like being able to breathe without coughing or just staying well (as an illness could lead to a serious setback in treatment).   

In some ways, I’ve even become a more patient person (not a word usually associated with me).  As the busy-ness of my day is slowed and I juggle less activities, I am less bothered by traffic, being in the slow line at the supermarket or when someone is running late.  This is a positive change from the hectic lifestyle that inhibits one from appreciating the simple things in life.  

Eating can be a challenge.  Previously, I would eat whatever was in sight. Now, after infusion, I have to really think about what foods will taste good since infusions modify my taste buds.   Good or bad, I’m not sure yet, but my taste improves after a week and then I have to control my appetite, before I eat everything in sight to make up for it!  This may change over time, but that’s my current status.   Water has become my favorite drink.  I probably drink 8-10 eight oz. glasses daily, whereas I considered myself lucky to consume 3 glasses daily when I was working.  This has its consequences though.  My sleep gets interrupted at least twice, to urinate (TMI?)  I warned you that I would be open and honest in my blog posts!

Lastly, my running has converted to either walking or jogging (eek – that dreaded word that every runner hates to hear!)  While I may start to venture into running again on my good days (and weather permitting), my pace is too slow for me to genuinely call it running yet.  I’ve been advised by my cardiologist to keep my mileage to half of my previous quantity and the intensity lower.  Being the compliant patient that I am (stop laughing), I will follow doctor’s orders.  Currently, I don’t think I can achieve that level anyway but as my breathing has improved and chest pain dissipated, I do feel ready to let loose again.

What hasn’t changed?  Well, of course, my wit and charm remains! J  I still yearn for exercise, whether it’s just doing stretches while watching a movie or going for a run (when able).  No matter what lies ahead, I like to start my day with a workout and coffee (even if the coffee doesn’t taste well, it still gives me a boost).  We are creatures of habit and sometimes just that one bit of routine (even if it’s only a 10 minute walk on the treadmill), makes me feel good.  For me, I also desire companionship and remain extremely social.  This can sometimes be difficult, as I’m advised to avoid “germ exposure” due to my low white count, but I’ve found solace through walking in the open air with friends (who are not ill) and of course, making conversation in waiting rooms at the doctor’s offices and infusion center.  Chris has also been a loyal companion and our banter (mostly humorous) can be quite entertaining.   In addition, people’s cards and well wishes through Facebook or my blog posts keep my spirits elevated.

If you get the opportunity to stop and reflect for a moment, think about what you would consider a normal day.  Acknowledge the small accomplishments and joys of each day.  If you believe in God or a higher power, thank Him.  Also take the time to thank the people who brighten your days.  Appreciate the person who waves at you, who lets you merge in traffic, who smiles at the grocery store or who calls to see how you’re doing.  Seek the beauty that surrounds you, whether it be the blooming heather, an upbeat song or a humorous TV show.  Every day, we have something to be thankful for and by recognizing these gifts, we, in turn, will live happily.   The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.